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Can ex-sex really help you move on?

Is engaging in sexual encounters with your ex a wise decision? Can it hinder your progress in moving on? These are the dilemmas that ‘Anna, a 29-year-old woman,’ finds herself grappling with after parting ways with her partner of several years.

She’s uncertain whether continuing to engage in physical intimacy with him is the right course of action, particularly when there’s no intention of rekindling the relationship.

Let’s briefly explore both sides of this situation to assist ‘Anna’ and others facing similar predicaments in making a well-considered choice.

Her perspective: temporary Ex-Sex is OK

“In my view, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with participating in temporary ex-sex, provided certain conditions are met. Firstly, it should remain enjoyable for both parties and not transform into a source of sadness or melancholy.

Secondly, it shouldn’t hinder either of you from meeting new individuals and potentially finding more compatible partners.

Lastly, it’s crucial to maintain openness and honesty about the nature of your arrangement – essentially, utilizing each other until someone more suitable enters the picture.

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However, personally, I would only consider engaging in ex-sex if I were the one initiating the breakup, rather than being on the receiving end of it.

Being used is never a pleasant experience, and there’s always a small part of me that clings to the hope that each encounter might rekindle our relationship.

When he eventually moves on to someone else, it would only exacerbate my resentment toward him for exploiting our situation, even if he was forthright about his intentions at the time.

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I still don’t believe that a breakup has to be an abrupt severance. If both parties consent, taking a few weeks or even a month to gradually detach emotionally might be an acceptable compromise, provided it doesn’t prolong the pain and ultimately offers closure.”

His standpoint: cease the Ex-Sex

“From my perspective, continuing to engage in ex-sex is a mistake.”

Allow me to share a personal experience to illustrate why. A while back, a woman I had been dating for six months broke up with me because her former boyfriend was relocating to our town, and she felt the need to address their history.

However, we still enjoyed each other’s company and had a strong physical connection, so I persuaded her to occasionally maintain our intimate encounters.

Unfortunately, this decision only kept me emotionally entangled while feeling utterly miserable about being in a relationship that was beyond my control.

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I wished for her to completely sever ties, but she wouldn’t. She argued that I could simply walk away, that I was responsible for my own feelings and decisions.

But as the one who was dumped, walking away wasn’t easy for me. I needed her to cut off all contact.

Based on this experience, I established a rule: in a breakup, it’s solely the responsibility of the one who initiated the breakup to abstain from ex-sex with the other person.

The one who was on the receiving end of the breakup is like an addict who needs to go cold turkey; any glimmer of hope for continued involvement will lead them to rationalize, deceive themselves, and plead. It’s your duty to disconnect and assist them in moving forward.

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(c) canva

Continuing to serve as their sexual outlet while reducing the frequency only prolongs their suffering and can be emotionally harmful. So, “just say no.” Ultimately, both parties will benefit in the long run.

In the end, the choice to engage in ex-sex is a personal one contingent on individual circumstances and emotions. It’s crucial to weigh both perspectives and make a decision aligned with your emotional well-being and future aspirations.”

So there you have it! Whose viewpoint resonates with you? It appears there are valid arguments on both sides. Nonetheless, honest and transparent communication remains crucial.

Remember, these are only viewpoints, and if you ever find yourself in a situation resembling Anna’s, take the time to reflect on your true desires and what will assist you in moving forward.

And always bear in mind, you deserve happiness and a gratifying relationship.

Thank you for reading, and please share your thoughts and personal experiences.

Michael H. Clifton
Written by, Michael H. Clifton
Hi, I'm Daniel, a 37-year-old lifestyle writer with a passion for understanding the human mind. I live in the city but I also love taking nature walks to escape the urban hustle. Join me on my journey as I explore the balance between city life and the calming influence of nature.